Honestly, that’s probably what it would say. I have the exceptional talent of being able to be razor-sharp decisive when it comes to decisions for other people, I’m great at that – but when it comes to deciding things for myself I would probably find it easier to traverse the rocky coastline of Pembrokeshire whilst doing the Macarena blindfolded.
It takes me an age to decide what to have for dinner. What clothes to put on in the morning – because I’d like to wear that new shirt but then if I wear that today it won’t have that special ‘new’ feeling any more, and I’m not really planning on going anywhere today so would it be a bit wasted if I wore it now? But then at the weekend I’m going out but I’ll be outside, and it’ll be cold so I’ll have to have a coat on and the shirt really looks best without a coat – so maybe I should wear it today because at least I’ll be able to see it. And what snack do I want in the evening – if indeed I even want a snack. Because I’m trying to be healthy, so I shouldn’t really have biscuits. Although I could have a healthy snack – that’s it, I could walk to the shop and buy some healthy snacks … but then I’m trying to save money and I don’t really need to eat anything at all.
You see how fun it can get?
If I’m psychoanalysing myself, which let’s face it is such a fun and fruitful activity that never goes wrong, I’d say this probably stems from my hatred of uncertainty and my love of control – and my concerns that if I make a choice for myself what will the consequences of that choice be? Because any choice I make for myself, no matter how small, I want it to generate the best possible consequence. I want it to create the most joy that it possibly can. Lasagne might be nice for tea. But then Macaroni Cheese (I refuse to call it Mac’n’cheese) would be supremely better – and what if I don’t choose to have that and then I end up dying in my sleep and I’ve missed out on the best last meal I could have ever had? Being in my brain is wild sometimes. It’s been pointed out to me before, quite rightly, that this is an awful lot of pressure to put on oneself, so I am going to try in 2026 to let go a bit more and take the heat off of myself.
Still, it’s a journey. I never used to be like this, and as I say I’m excellent at making choices for others, I can do it in a snap. Getting older is a funny thing, you change in ways you never even thought about when you were just a skinny little thing running around in your pea green converse (just me?). Maybe there’s a way to get back, whilst still moving forwards.
Matt Fraser Copywriting & Marketing Consultancy 